Creating a personal wellness retreat
There were a few experiences that provided real clarity during my burnout. One happened on a typical weekday morning, at home in Amsterdam. I awoke to the sound of banging, shouting, and scraping metal. It was 7 am. I stomped downstairs in my boxer shorts and through the front window saw workmen erecting scaffolding on the house opposite. From there on, some internal force took over… I opened the doors to the French balcony, stepped out, and started shouting at the workmen. “Do you know what time it is?” “Is this absolutely necessary?” “It’s 7 am for fuck sake!” Rant over, I stepped back inside, closed the door, and caught sight of myself in the mirror. Hair sticking up, face red, beard stubbly, half-naked, bags under my eyes. I heard a low-level growl and turned around to see my dog, Sophia… she’d been watching all this with concern from the sofa.
It was time to leave the city.
Getting away is something I always looked forward to. The chance to break the daily and weekly cycles of life, meet new people, and have new experiences. In my thirties, it also became a way to fully disconnect, switch off for a few days, and reconnect with my partner. There came a point when it also became more predictable, I planned for it and started enjoying going to the same places. It was less stressful that way. A particular favourite of ours was Ibiza town. I used to tell friends how it was the perfect relaxation break. We knew the airport, had a preferred room in the hotel, went to the same beach, and ate in restaurants where the waiters recognised us. It was like a wellness retreat — if wellness retreats involved lots of sunshine and cocktails. Later I started going on actual wellness retreats and I went on my own. To spas and yoga centres in gorgeous locations with healthy food, positive people, massages, and daily routines designed to relax and heal. I participated in retreats all over the world — in Thailand, Mexico, Ireland, and France — and benefitted from them all in one way or another.
But this time it was different.
During those days, I was doing restorative yoga and studying with an amazing teacher and therapist in Amsterdam, Tory Hyndman. Tory viewed my burnout as a transformation and her perspective helped me a great deal. She made me feel like there was a point to this difficult period. That I would get through it and that I would emerge changed, somehow better. She explained that transformation required the elements, especially fire. In Indian medicine, fire represents energy, heat, understanding, and the power of transformation. She advised that I leave the city and spend time in nature. Somewhere I could touch the earth, view an expanse of water, feel space, and breathe fresh air. Most importantly I needed to feel the heat and watch the transformative power of fire. And so, after my tantrum on the terrace, I took action and went on the first of several personal wellness retreats.
I call it a personal wellness retreat because this was just about me. Retreat centres, yoga weekends, and wellness holidays are all incredibly beneficial, but somehow most are still approached within the paradigm of ‘doing.’ Yes, they’re about relaxing and healing, but the route to that benefit almost always involves a specific diet, a course of exercise, or the need to meditate for a certain amount of time each day. They come with expectations, or worse, promises. A personal wellness retreat is about ‘being,’ not ‘doing.’ It is void of expectation. The difference is critical. To create a personal wellness retreat, you need to do some thinking and some planning. This advanced work, although it may be difficult, will mean that you can truly rest for the time you are there. And that’s the point of such a retreat, to rest, to do nothing. And for most of us, that’s difficult.
Based on my experience, I’ve developed the following tips to help you create a personal wellness retreat. As you can expect from me, they’re quite practical. Here goes…
1) Find a location within an hour of your home
A personal wellness retreat isn’t about travelling to exotic locations — it’s about health. Travel is stressful. Identify a location you can get to without much hassle, ideally somewhere a short drive, bus, or train journey away.
2) Don’t look for amenities, look for the elements
This trip doesn’t require fancy restaurants, access to gyms, or attractions to visit. It requires nature. Fire is transformative, look for somewhere with an open fire or a fire pit outside. If that isn’t possible, bring candles with you. Find somewhere close to a lake, river, or another expanse of water. A mountainous area would be ideal — at least somewhere open and ideally a bit wild. Try to find somewhere where you are away from signs of a busy life.
3) Go alone
There are times in life when you need to be alone and a personal wellness retreat is one of them. The closest friend or most understanding partner with every best intention will still add an element of pressure to what should be a pressure-free experience. You may not realise it, but having someone with you changes things — it’s unavoidable. (A convenient exception I’m making is my dog… but even taking her added pressure. I needed to take her for walks, there were times she wanted to play and I wanted to sleep — but the benefits outweighed the negatives and practically speaking, I couldn’t leave her behind.)
4) Make a meal plan for the days you are there and bring those exact ingredients
We all dread the ‘what’s for dinner’ question, so remove it from the experience. Decide in advance and bring what you need — that means you don’t need to visit shops while there. For sure you can enjoy cooking but in a zero-stress way.
5) Leave technology at home
In so far as you can, make your retreat analogue. If you need to be contactable, tell family or friends that you will check messages each evening and to text if there’s something that can’t wait. If you need music, download it and play using airplane mode. Skip watching TV shows while you’re there. You don’t need a watch and for sure you don’t need to count your steps. E-readers are great, but if you can, bring paper books with you.
6) Bring the wellness treats that make you smile
In my case that included dark chocolate, herbal tea, incense, and a minty foot balm.
7) Don’t set any objectives — ideally have zero expectations
This isn’t the trip where you’re going to finish that scarf you started knitting a year ago or that book that’s been gathering dust on your shelf. It’s not the trip when you do yoga every day for two hours, when you do a juice fast or when you meditate every morning. Can you do those things? Sure, maybe… but that’s not why you’re going. You’re going just to be, in whatever form that takes. Sleep until you wake. Walk until you don’t want to walk anymore. Sit, sing, cry, chant, eat, massage your feet, eat chocolate, make tea, cuddle the dog. Watch wood burn. Be bored.
I went on several personal retreats during that difficult time and they helped me greatly. It was winter, so I always chose a location with an open fire and spent many hours watching the flames. Of the two locations I chose, both were a short bus journey away and located close to a lake, where I walked with my dog most days.
*
So many of us struggle with the idea of a ‘holiday’ without purpose — wellness retreats included. Society demands stories from us: the places we’ve been; the experiences we’ve had; the weight we’ve lost; the hotel we stayed in; the detox procedure we’ve endured; the hours of yoga we’ve completed. When you’re suffering from stress or anxiety the last thing you need is more pressure, more expectations. A personal wellness retreat is for no one but you. Its only purpose is to remove you from stress and anxiety. I encourage you to design one for yourself and use it to simply be.
Notes:
Tory Hyndman: https://delightyoga.com/teachers/victoria-tory-raven-hyndman